Deadly Is the Kiss Page 16

  Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to hold his sensual gaze. “I mean that I appreciate what you’re doing with the investigation. All the contacts you have searching for information. The way you’ve already protected me from two assassination attempts. And for what you’re willing to do for my family to keep them safe.” She coughed again, trying to clear the husky note from her voice. “I can’t…I can’t tell you how much that means to me, Ashe.”

  She couldn’t be sure, but it almost looked as if he flinched. From one instant to the next, the heat in his gaze became banked, his sensual tone now clipped. “I’m willing to help you because you need it, Juliana. Just don’t think it means anything.”

  She blinked. “Meaning?”

  With an awkward roll of his shoulder, he muttered, “There could never be anything more between us. An…affair is all I can offer you.”

  An embarrassed flush swept over Juliana’s face, while a cold, mortified feeling sank into the pit of her stomach. She felt dizzy and nauseous, but she held on to her temper, forcing out what she hoped sounded like a calm, rational response. “I don’t believe I asked for anything from you, other than your help. I certainly didn’t ask to sleep with you.” Her control started to slip, her throat quivering, but she struggled to keep her voice soft, mindful of the other tables as she said, “I didn’t even want you to touch me in the first place.”

  “That’s a lie and you know it,” he quietly argued. “But I didn’t mean to be insulting. I just want there to be clarity between us.”

  “Oh, don’t worry.” She pulled in a shuddering breath, so mad she wanted to cry. “I understand men like you completely, Ashe. You’ll never commit yourself to one woman because you’re too blasted in love with your endless variety.”

  “No. The reason I’ll never commit,” he ground out, forcing the words through his gritted teeth, “is because I could never trust a woman to give me the same kind of honesty and commitment that she’d expect from me.”

  Juliana shook her head, unable to believe what she’d just heard. “Wait a minute. You can’t throw that argument back in my face.”

  He worked his jaw. “Why not? You think it only works for women?”

  Taken aback, she asked, “What exactly are you saying?”

  He looked uncomfortable as hell, but he didn’t back down. “I’m saying that it’s not always the woman who gets her heart trampled. That it’s not always the man who lies and destroys trust and strays.”

  She shook her head again, dazed. “You honestly think any woman you chose would stray from a man like you?”

  His eyes narrowed, his gaze so intense she could feel its heat pulsing against her face. The noisy chatter surrounding them in the bustling café faded into the background, the air thick with sudden awareness, crackling with tension. “What do you mean, a man like me?”

  She arched a brow. “Come on, Ashe. You’ve seen a mirror. It can’t come as a surprise that you’re gorgeous.”

  “And you’re beautiful.” His rough tone made it clear that he wasn’t just saying it to be nice. He actually believed it, and Juliana felt her icy anger begin to thaw.

  “Not really, but it’s nice of you to say so. And it’s different for women. Looks fade.” She slid him a slight smile. “Even for our kind.”

  “True,” he agreed. Then he shocked the hell out of her by saying, “But when two people are in love, it doesn’t matter.”

  “I have a hard time picturing a man like you in love,” she murmured. “Though I imagine hundreds of women have been in love with you over the years.”

  “They’ve loved certain parts of me, but that’s all,” he replied, and she could tell by the tight grin that worked its way across his mouth which “parts” he was referring to. Then she caught the gleam of some dark emotion in his eyes, and a slow, thick wave of shock moved through her, leaving her blinking back at him. In that moment, she realized a stunning truth. For all his arrogance and attitude, Ashe Granger didn’t think he was someone who could be loved.

  God, all this time she’d been judging him…unfairly. He didn’t sleep around because he was heartless. He kept away from intimate relationships because he didn’t believe they were something he could ever have.

  “Who was she?” she asked.

  He flicked her a shuttered look from beneath his lashes, his jaw tight. “Who was who?”

  “The woman who betrayed you. Did she sleep with someone you knew?”

  He didn’t respond right away, his attention focused inward. She could see the muscle ticking in his cheek, just below his right eye, his jaw clenched so hard it looked painful. She was about to prompt him for an answer, unable to just let it go, when he blew out a rough breath and said, “It wasn’t just a someone. She slept with men that I knew, as well as men that I didn’t.”

  “I’m sorry, Ashe. That sucks.”

  He downed the rest of his whiskey in one hard swallow. “It gets worse,” he said, setting the glass back on the table.

  “How could it get worse than that?” she whispered, her chest hurting at the pain she could see on his beautiful face. He looked haunted as he pushed his chair back from the table. He sat with his elbows braced on his spread knees, his head turned to the side, gaze focused on a patch of floor between their table and the wall.

  After a long, tense silence, he said, “She wasn’t who I thought she was.”

  Juliana waited, sensing that he had more to say. He just needed time to figure out how to say it.

  The moments slowly ticked by, weighted with grief and unwanted memories, and then he quietly said, “Gretchen was a young vampire whose family had arranged her marriage to a wealthy male who was much older than her. I had just started working as a Förmyndare and was sent to investigate when her husband was found murdered.” Lines crinkled at the corners of his eyes as he winced. “She was young and beautiful, and I was cocky enough to think she fell in love with me at first sight. We started an affair, and I was also stupid enough to ask her for an explanation when my investigation kept leading back to her.”

  Wetting her lips, Juliana said, “I have a feeling this isn’t going to end well.”

  She watched a flat smile twist the corner of his mouth. “You could say that,” he murmured. “She confessed that she’d killed him, but claimed that she hadn’t had any choice. Said that her husband had been abusive and that she’d killed him in self-defense.” He turned his head, locking those piercing, storm-dark eyes with hers. “Then she pleaded with me to help her hide, while I searched for a way to clear her name. I was able to accomplish the first, but not the second. Instead, I eventually proved that she was nothing but a two-bit liar. She’d offed the old guy for his money, and his valet had helped her. The two of them had been lovers all along. As it turned out, there weren’t many men she knew that she hadn’t slept with.”

  “What happened?” she whispered, her throat tight with emotion.

  “She ran, confident that I wouldn’t have the heart to go after her.”

  “But you did.” It wasn’t a question. She could see the truth written in the grim lines of his expression.

  He nodded slowly. “I didn’t have a choice. I’d let her manipulate me, and because of that, she’d almost gotten away with murder. It was up to me to set it right.” He leaned back in his chair again with a tired sigh, rubbing a hand roughly over his mouth, before saying, “It took a long time, but I finally tracked them down.”

  “Where is she now?”

  He stared back, unrelenting. “She’s dead.”

  “Oh, God.”

  His voice was raw. “By the time I caught up with her, she’d killed several more times. Claimed she’d gotten a taste for it. She tried to kill me. I killed her first.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said hoarsely, finally understanding why it was so difficult for him to put his trust in her. He’d been scarred inside as deeply as she had, suffering that same soul-sucking pain. The kind that made you feel broken and raw and bleeding.

/>   Staring at his stark expression, a new flurry of emotions vibrated through her with a sweet, shocking warmth, but she fought them back, sensing the danger. No matter how incredible it would be to dream of being the woman that would change his views on the subject of love, the fact remained that Ashe Granger would be a hard man to reach, likely closing himself off from anyone who ever tried to get close to his heart. And he would almost certainly strike first, cheating before he could be cheated on, like a preemptive strike against the thing he most feared: being hurt by someone he desperately wanted to love him.

  What a fascinating contradiction he was, and what a shallow bitch she felt like for projecting her past experiences with men onto him. In truth, she and Ashe were more alike than she could have ever realized.

  And they were so wrong for each other, it was surprising they didn’t repel like two opposing sides of a magnet. Bad enough when one person had trust issues, but when both parties were carrying the same scars it was a soap opera just waiting to happen.

  The sudden clatter of plates breaking in the café’s kitchen made her jump, and she realized with a flush how long she’d been sitting there in the candlelight, simply staring at him, absorbed in her thoughts.

  Clearing her throat, she held his dark stare as she said, “I’m not like her, Ashe. I’m not a criminal, and I’m not trying to con you. And before this is over, I’ll have figured out some way to prove that to you.”

  “And then what, Jules? We’ll settle down together, fucking like minks, and be a happy couple?” he drawled, his tone more mocking than serious.

  “No,” she answered honestly, shaking her head. “I would never expect that of you. And even if I did, I know it wouldn’t be possible.”

  “And why’s that?” he asked in a silky rasp, his dark brows lifting.

  “Because even if I manage to change your mind about me, there’s still one thing we’d never be able to get past.”

  His reply was soft. “And what’s that?”

  “The fact that while I might trust you with my life, Ashe…I could never learn to trust you with my heart. And you could never truly trust me with yours.”

  * * *

  IRRITATED BY THE WAY the conversation had gone, Ashe suggested they stop in the club and have another drink before heading up to their room for the night. God only knew he needed the sleep, having only caught a handful of hours here and there since they’d left London, and it was starting to wear him down. Not to mention the constant worry about Juliana’s safety and the way she kept stripping down his barriers, getting him to talk about things he knew were best left alone.

  But he needed the drink more.

  It was hell, treading his way through those emotional minefields with her. And yet, the more time he spent with Juliana, the clearer it became that he’d been more infatuated with Gretchen than in love with her. It’d made him angry when he’d realized what she truly was, but it hadn’t destroyed him. He’d picked himself up and had gone on, more cynical and untrusting, yeah—but her loss hadn’t torn out a part of his soul.

  Juliana, on the other hand, was already ripping him to pieces, battering her way past the walls he used to close himself off. Walls he needed…that he wasn’t willing to give up.

  He didn’t know why he’d told her about Gretchen, when he’d never shared that story with anyone before. But one thing was becoming crystal clear with every moment Ashe spent in Juliana Sabin’s company: she was dangerous not only to his peace of mind, but to his entire bloody existence. And if he wasn’t careful, he was going to find himself in a situation he couldn’t get out of. Which meant he needed to start getting a handle on things now, before they slipped so far out of his reach he couldn’t get them back again.

  As she swung up onto a stool at a small table in the back of the nightclub’s front room, he said, “It’ll take forever if we wait for someone to take our order. I’ll just go up to the bar. What do you want?”

  She started to tell him, but a shape-shifter walking by diverted his attention, the guy’s green eyes sweeping over Juliana with obvious appreciation. Ashe could feel his talons growing warm beneath the tips of his fingers, aching to slip their skin and tear into the shifter with an animalistic frenzy.

  Giving the shifter a low growl and a glimpse of fang, Ashe was still watching the jackass to make sure he didn’t look at Juliana again, when she reached over and touched his arm. “Ashe, did you hear me?”

  Sucking in a sharp breath, he slid his gaze back to hers. “Sorry. What was that?”

  “I’d like another glass of red wine, please. A Shiraz if they’ve got it.”

  “Don’t go anywhere,” he warned her, confident they hadn’t been tracked to Nice, but not wanting to take any chances.

  Despite the repairs that had been going on that afternoon, the club was packed with people, most of whom he sensed were from the clans, which wasn’t uncommon. Humans tended to be uncomfortable in a crowd of nonhumans, even if they didn’t understand exactly why.

  Finally making his way to the bar, Ashe ordered a glass of wine and a double whiskey, careful to keep one eye on Juliana. There was a strange sense of dread simmering inside him, as if he was about to make a colossal mistake. One that would have serious repercussions, ending in a shitload of regret.

  “Here ya go, buddy.” The bartender set two glasses before him, but Ashe couldn’t unclench his hands from his sides to reach out and grab them, his fangs suddenly bursting into his mouth with a searing pulse of pain. A savage wave of hunger rolled through him so strongly it nearly brought him to his knees. Closing his eyes, he slumped against the hard edge of the bar, panting, struggling for control, when a cool hand reached out and touched his arm.

  “You look hungry, Ashe.”

  Lifting his lashes, Ashe found himself staring into Lacey Denniver’s gray eyes, her red hair gleaming in the smoky lights of the bar.

  “What?” he croaked, his voice so thick it was barely recognizable. Panic flooded through his veins, while a primal fear pounded through his head. The fear that he’d made a critical mistake in thinking he could be near Juliana and control the Burning. He couldn’t control shit, and if he didn’t do something fast, he was going to charge through these people, throw her little ass over his shoulder, and take her someplace where he could do every raw, raunchy thing that he wanted to her, before thrusting his fangs into her tight flesh and claiming her as his own.

  Then they’d both be screwed, and he’d have no one to blame but himself.

  “I said you look hungry,” Lacey murmured, edging so close that her breasts pressed against his arm, the sultry smile on her rouged lips telling him exactly what she was offering. “I normally don’t encroach on another woman’s date, but we’re old…friends. And you look desperate, Ashe.”

  Desperate. Yeah, that was right. And terrified enough to take her up on her offer, knowing damn well it was going to rip Juliana away from him. She’d still need his help in finding proof of the assassination orders, but she would never let him touch her again. He knew that as well as he knew this was the perfect opportunity to set things between them on the right path.

  Do it. Right now. Cut the fucking cord and save your ass, while you still have the chance.

  Putting his arm around Lacey’s waist, Ashe said the gruff words that would set Juliana Sabin forever out of his reach. “Let’s get away from this crowd.”

  Ten minutes later, when he came back into the front room, Juliana was gone.

  CHAPTER TEN

  JULIANA COULDN’T BELIEVE she was standing outside in the chilly night air, talking to Josh Everett, the older brother of a childhood friend. She’d been on the verge of tears after watching Ashe and Lacey head into the club’s back room together, his hand on the small of her back, and was just getting up to leave when she spotted Josh coming in the front entrance with a group of friends. She’d tried to turn before he recognized her, but hadn’t been fast enough. He’d noticed her instantly, leaving his friends behind to catch up
with her as she tried to make her way out the back exit.