Pushing His Luck (Surf, Sun & Sex Book 3) Read online

  It had been the single most dick move of his life, until Friday night, when he’d brought Lacey—a waitress at one of the local sports bars that he and Michael sometimes hit up after work—to the bonfire and shoved her in Karin’s face.

  Forcing his mind back on to the ass-chewing he was no doubt about to receive, he muttered, “So, what, you get to tell me who to fuck now?”

  Sean gave a rough, incredulous laugh. “That’s seriously how you’re going to play this? Christ, I don’t even know you right now. I mean, yeah, you acted like a dick after all that shit went down with Dixon last year, but even then you weren’t like this. I still recognized you as my fucking brother.”

  He flinched at the sound of Dixon’s name, unable to believe it’d already been an entire year since his friend and fellow cop had been gunned down while trying to save a young mother and her two children from her deranged ex. It had hit him hard, and he’d been a surly son of a bitch for a few months afterward. But his brother was right—even then, he hadn’t set out to deliberately hurt anyone.

  As Sean’s words played through his head, shame settled heavily around Paul’s shoulders, but he clenched his teeth and soldiered through, knowing it was for the best. Which was exactly what he said to Sean. “I know you think I’m a piece of shit, but trust me, man. It was the best thing that I could do for her.”

  “You think asking her out and then just ghosting her was good for her? Not to mention showing up at the last bonfire with some beach bunny and making out in front of her? Fuck, Paul, did you see her face?”

  He scrubbed a hand down his own face, his brother’s words like a kick to the chest. “Yeah.”

  “Yeah? Then you know that you fucking gutted her.”

  “Christ, we’ve never even been on a date!” he snarled, his frustration with the entire goddamn nightmare getting the better of him.

  “And you never will be now,” Sean muttered with a low, humorless laugh. “Not after that shit.”

  He bit out a choked curse, unable to hide how badly that prediction cut, even over the phone. And his brother was too sharp to miss it.

  With a rough sigh, Sean said, “Look, I know you. There’s not a chance in hell you would have finally made a move on Karin unless you were serious about wanting to get to know her better. Unless you were interested, period, in taking things to another level. You don’t mess around with women like her, and I know you wouldn’t have been thinking about her as nothing more than a fun hook-up to blow off some steam with. So you asked her out, and then turned into a massive dick. Now it’s time to stop hiding behind your booze and bad attitude and finally tell me why.”

  Shit, the guy was right. About all of it. But no way in hell was he talking any of this crap out with him. Instead, he muttered, “I’m toxic, man. She doesn’t need that shit.”

  Silence, while Sean worked his words through his head. And then a gruff, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

  “Look, it’s no great mystery, so you don’t have to waste time worrying when you could be enjoying life with your woman. But that’s not the life I want. All I really give a shit about is my job. I’m too much of a selfish prick to ever do a relationship.”

  More heavy silence, and then Sean quietly said, “Why do I get the feeling you’re just repeating things that have been said to you?”

  He exhaled a rough breath, mentally shutting a heavy metal door on the shitty wave of guilt that tried to slam into him. One that had nothing to do with Karin, but everything to do with his recent spiral into the festering mental pile of shit he was currently living in. “What difference does it make?”

  Sean snorted like a know-it-all. “A big one, you idiot.”

  Bitterness sharpened his words. “I don’t want to hurt her, okay? Leave it at that.”

  “Yeah, well, you should have thought about that before you brought that girl to the bonfire.”

  “Fuck,” he cursed, scrubbing his free hand down his face again. Just fuck tequila and the bastard pony it rode in on. Though he knew it was his own damn fault for drinking to the point that he allowed his inner asshole to start making significant decisions about his behavior. That shithead had never had a good idea in his entire life.

  “But,” Sean went on, sounding more concerned than angry, “if you mean you don’t want to get close to her and then break her heart, my vote’s with that crap not happening.”

  Christ, now Sean was trying to be his armchair therapist. Why couldn’t his friends and family just accept that he was a dick and move on?

  “I’m not relationship material and you know it,” he muttered, sounding resigned. And bone-deep tired. “My job comes first and it’s always going to. That’s not going to change for any woman, bro, no matter how gorgeous she is.”

  “If it’s the right woman, you’ll find the balance you need to make things work. For fuck’s sake, Paul, just open your eyes. You deserve something good in life, man. You’ve been an asshole lately, but you’re still a goddamn hero.”

  This time, he was the one snorting. “Hardly.”

  “So you’re going to let some other guy move in on your girl?”

  He sucked in a sharp breath. “What?”

  “Hah!” He could practically hear Sean smirking over the connection. “That got your attention.”

  “Eat a dick,” he forced through his clenched teeth.

  Sean snickered like a jackass. “If I swung that way, it sure as hell wouldn’t be with a surly bastard like you, even if we weren’t related. I’d go for a redhead, like my Nat.”

  Shaking his head with frustration, even though his brother couldn’t see him, he asked, “Is Karin dating anyone or not, you prick?”

  “I don’t fucking know. But if she isn’t, she sure as hell should be. After the shit her ex put her through, she deserves—”

  “What shit?” he cut in, getting a sick feeling in his gut. He knew their marriage must have had its issues, seeing as how they were no longer together. But he’d never heard her complain about her ex, the way a lot of people did if they’d been fucked over. Then again, Karin was pretty private, so maybe she kept her complaints about the guy to herself.

  “You don’t know?” Sean asked, sounding surprised.

  “If I knew,” he growled, “would I be asking?”

  “Yeah, okay, makes sense. And long story short, the guy was scum.”

  “And that tells me shit, man.”

  His brother gave a harsh laugh. “And I’m not going to gossip like a teenage girl. If you want to know the details, talk to Karin.”

  Paul cursed under his breath, the idea of facing her after the embarrassing crap he’d pulled making sweat break out over his brow.

  “Look,” Sean murmured, “why don’t you come over tonight when you get off work? Apologize to Natalie, we’ll grab some dinner, and then hit the waves.”

  He debated, knowing there was a strong chance that Sean was just inviting him over so he could grill him some more about the shit going down in his life. Hell, he was also likely to get Natalie’s hand slapped across his face, or her knee in his nuts, which was no less than he deserved. And there was an equally strong chance that he might run into Karin, seeing as how she was one of their neighbors. His dick actually tingled at that last thought and his heart gave a hard thump, which was reason enough to stay the hell away from the place. But, damn it, he needed to make things right with Natalie and Sean, so he was just going to have to suck it up and act like a fucking grownup. “What time?”

  “Six.”

  “And what kind of flowers does Nat like?” he asked, figuring there was going to need to be some serious ass-kissing taking place if he was going to even make it into their condo.

  Sean gave a low laugh. “Bring her some Godiva chocolates, and she just might let you past the door.”

  A wry smile kicked up the edge of his mouth, the first one he’d cracked in days. “Okay, man. I’ll see you then.”

  Chapter Three

  Late April


  If there was one thing that Karin believed with all her heart, it was that holding a grudge never benefited anyone—especially not the person who’d been wronged. So when she’d heard, through Natalie, that Sean and his brother were hanging out again, she hadn’t been resentful. Just because she wanted nothing to do with him didn’t mean she expected one of her best friends and his own brother not to spend time with him. But Paul was thankfully still giving her and Chris a wide berth, and she hoped it stayed that way. At least when it came to her. Chris was going to have to forgive the jerk eventually, because she hated that he was missing out on hitting the evening waves with the Cartwright brothers, which had become a thing for the three of them after they’d all become friends. Instead, Sophie had told her he was waking up at the crack of dawn to get his surfing time in before work.

  She loved her cousin like a brother, but she wasn’t about to let his protectiveness toward her ruin a friendship for him, and so she made a mental note to corner the guy in the morning for a long heart-to-heart. She would have done it right then, but Sophie had dragged him out for a meal at one of the amazing seafood restaurants down by the harbor, and she hoped they were having an awesome time.

  After making dinner for her and Jase once they got home from his soccer practice, and reading him a bedtime story, she’d thought about curling up in front of the TV for a while, but then Natalie called to see if she wanted to chill out with some wine on her balcony while Sean surfed. So here they were, cuddled up on the pretty, comfortable rattan chairs Karin had bought for her balcony last summer, drinking their wine while they chatted about the vacation Natalie and Sean were planning for the summer.

  “I’m so jealous you guys are going to Bora-Bora,” she murmured, taking a sip of her wine. “I’ve always wanted to go.”

  “Me too,” Natalie said, stretching out her legs and resting her cute feet on the wrought-iron railing. “It’s been a dream of mine ever since I was a little girl. I swear I nearly died when Sean booked the trip for my Valentine’s present. I mean, what kind of guy does that?”

  Karin gave a soft laugh. “Um, one who’s madly in love with you, Nat.”

  With a soft flush on her cheeks, Natalie sighed dreamily. “Oh God. I know it’s silly, but I still feel like pinching myself sometimes when he says it.”

  “It’s not silly,” she said softly, ignoring the little pang of hurt in her chest, since there was no point in feeling sad about the fact that the only people who had ever truly meant it when they said they loved her were her family and her precious little boy. Her dreams of having a great romantic love someday, like the one that Natalie and Sean had, were rapidly fading, leaving a hollow ache in her chest. But she was still truly happy for her friend, so the smile on her lips was genuine as she looked at Natalie and added, “It’s not a bad thing to be so into your guy or girl that it still sets off butterflies when things get emotional. That’s a good thing, Nat. You need to embrace it, and be thankful for it.”

  “I know.” A goofy grin kicked up the corner of Natalie’s pink lips. “I just never thought I’d be so freaking sappy.”

  “Well, for what it’s worth, I love seeing how into each other you and Sean are. And the same goes for Soph and Chris. It gives me faith that…” She searched for the right way to translate what she was feeling into words. “Well, not that I’ll find it myself. Just that… I guess that the kind of love we read about and see in movies really does exist. And that just makes me happy.”

  Natalie gave her a sharp look. “What’s this crap about not finding it for yourself?”

  Her shoulders lifted in an awkward shrug and she sighed. “Just ignore me, okay. I’m being overly dramatic, and I freaking hate it when that happens.”

  Sounding genuinely concerned, Natalie said, “Hey, don’t just brush this off like it’s no big deal. That’s bullshit, K. You deserve a kickass, insane-amount-of-orgasms, romance-of-the-ages relationship more than anyone I know. Don’t you dare let your asshole of an ex and Paul’s douchey behavior make you turn your back on that.”

  Pulling in a deep breath, she blinked away the tears that were suddenly prickling at the backs of her eyes and focused on Sean and the other surfers who were sitting on their boards out in the water. “I’m not. I just—” she finally started to say, only to suck in a sharp breath when she caught sight of the tall, muscular body walking across the sand, the guy’s yellow surfboard tucked under one arm and his dark hair tousled by the breeze.

  Natalie followed her line of sight and muttered a sharp curse. “Oh shit. I’m so sorry, K. If I’d known that Paul was coming over tonight, I wouldn’t have suggested that we sit out here. I don’t even think he told Sean.”

  “Don’t be sorry.” She shook her head as she gave a heavy sigh. “And it’s not like I plan on avoiding him forever. He’s going to be around, so I just have to pull up my big-girl panties and learn to deal with it.”

  Natalie’s dark eyes were bright with respect. “Wow, you’re a hell of a lot more gracious than I would be.”

  “Hey, it’s not like I won’t be privately wishing I could knee him in the dick,” she admitted with a wry laugh. “I just won’t act on it.”

  Natalie laughed, and they moved the conversation on to other things, like the new client she’d gotten that morning—an exciting start-up in downtown that she would be designing a logo for—and the Pilates class they both wanted to join. It was a beautiful evening, and she loved spending time with Natalie, which meant she should have been feeling happy and relaxed. But no matter how hard she tried to keep her gaze focused on the horizon, it kept sliding back to Paul again and again. It was easy to keep track of him out on the waves, his half-wetsuit leaving his incredible abs, chest and tattoo uncovered. And whenever he caught a wave, it was even easier to see that he’d once been a professional surfer. The night they’d kissed, he’d told her that his career had ended before it even really got started because of a bad knee injury, which explained the scars she’d seen on his leg.

  So, yeah, it was starting to get embarrassing how many times she caught herself following the athletic, graceful movements of his body out on the water, the low-hanging sun painting the sky in iridescent shades of orange and pink. Weirdly, it even felt like he was actually staring up at them a few times, watching her sit and sip wine with Natalie while they talked about how excited they were to see the upcoming Michael Fassbender movie, which was just crazy. Not the Fassbender part, because the guy was not only gorgeous, but an incredible actor. No, the crazy part was thinking that Paul would be paying her any attention at all. Hell, he’d never even bothered to apologize, which meant, in her book, that everything had played out exactly as he’d meant for it to and he was a Grade-A bastard.

  Unfortunately, he was a bastard who still set her heart racing and made butterflies dance in her belly. But just because fate and hormones were faithless bitches didn’t mean she couldn’t shoot them the finger and tell them to fuck off. Which was exactly what she planned on doing, until she eventually stopped reacting to the sight of Paul Cartwright like some crushed-out teeny bopper with hearts in her eyes.

  When the guys finally started heading back in, Natalie hugged her goodbye and made Karin promise to call her to let her know if she could do breakfast with her and Sophie on Friday. She started to move to her feet so she could walk Nat to the door, but her friend just smiled and put her hand on her shoulder. “I’ll let myself out. You just sit here and relax and watch the waves.”

  Her lips curled with a grateful smile. “Sounds like a plan.”

  Refusing to torture herself by watching Paul strip out of his wetsuit and towel off, Karin leaned her head back and closed her eyes, focusing on the roaring crash of the surf, the salty scent of the ocean breeze—one of her favorite things about living at the beach—and the faint music she could hear coming from one of the other condos.

  “Hey, Rin.”

  She flinched at the sound of Paul’s deep voice, but didn’t open her eyes right aw
ay, foolishly hoping that it was just her imagination playing tricks on her. But, no, the moment she cracked her eyelids open and peeked, he was standing right there at her balcony, which sat only a few feet off the beach. At what had to be nearly six-three or six-four, the jerk was tall enough that he could brace his arms on the balcony’s wrought-iron railing, his wet hair slicked back from his unfairly handsome face, dark eyes locked in hard and tight on her flushed one.

  For a moment, she could only stare back at him like a mute, helplessly drinking in the breathtaking sight of his beautiful body and rugged features. He was still shirtless, his golden, tattooed skin stretched tight over his broad shoulders, chest and ripped abs, the position of his arms only highlighting his powerful biceps and corded forearms, the heavy veins pressing up beneath his skin attesting to what incredible shape he was in. From that close, he was so freaking sexy it was unreal. And had she already mentioned unfair?

  She still hadn’t said anything, so she took a quick sip of her wine and choked out a quiet, “Um…hey.”

  Wow. She didn’t think it was possible, but at her less-than-enthusiastic greeting, he looked even more uncomfortable than before. Gorgeous, yeah—but there was no mistaking how uneasy he was to be talking to her. Still, he coughed to clear his throat, and asked, “Do you… Can we talk?”

  Sitting up in the rattan chair, she pulled her thin black cardigan tighter across her front with her free hand, painfully aware of her wind-tossed hair and make-up-free face, and said, “It’s, um, not a good time. I need—”

  “I know I don’t deserve it,” he cut in, obviously realizing she was about to make a run for it, “but I need to apologize for how I acted.”

  She shook her head, looking down at her bare feet, focusing intently on her red-painted toenails. “Hardly,” she said tightly, wondering why he’d felt compelled to do this now, after so many freaking weeks of silence. “I don’t need to hear it, Paul. What’s done is done.”